Nikki – Fear, claustrophobia, and enormous sweaty people sitting on your back.


So they tell me fear of claustrophobia and being in close quarters will eventually become feelings of the past. They tell me that these things will cease to horrify me or paralyze my mind or cause me to go into fight or flight mode.

I am now in my fourth full week of training. We train a minimum of four days a week with alternating Saturdays. I originally had no idea that I had any of those issues. It wasn’t until my third week that they were brought to the surface and I found myself very grateful to the enormous purple belt that sat on my back. He sat on my back and immediately jumped off it and to the side with his hands held up in front of him. He told me to breathe. And then he explained what I was feeling and how it was completely normal. After that roll with the super huge purple belt, I’m very aware of when fear takes control.

It’s a subtle thing really. All thought goes from the mind, any technique that my little tiny bit of experience has learned doesn’t exist anymore. I tell myself when I roll with the huge purple belt, (I request him now…once every session), I tell myself, “you’re OK, breathe. You’re OK, breathe. Over and over again, sometimes it is the only thing I can think at all. Sometimes I close my eyes and focus on my new mantra while just reacting to any sensation I manage to interpret. I have had to use the same technique with other people, mainly folks I’m not familiar with yet.

My oldest son is feeling the same concern with people being in his bubble. I told him to have faith that his teacher won’t allow anyone to hurt him and to breathe and tell himself that he’s all right.

He still doesn’t believe me when I tell him it’s normal…haha!!!

Next class is Saturday!


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